I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize