There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
