Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
