Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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