I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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