I puked a lego.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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