meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
