Can Purell be used as lube?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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