It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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