I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
