I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
