He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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