Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
