we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
