my shit smells like andre
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh god it's open bar.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
