I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
