If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
