My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
