Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
