i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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