She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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