The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They have beer where we have blood.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
