hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
