so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize