i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
