no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
