if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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