plz talk dirty to me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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