these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
