Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
