you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
