Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
