So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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