how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
