im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
