Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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