Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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