God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
