We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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