I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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