I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
