I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize