Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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