i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
