I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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