If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
why do cheetos always look like penises
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This baby is an asshole
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
