I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize