She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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