I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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