i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
