Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
