I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They took my balls.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
