I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
