my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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