ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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