i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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