So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
