is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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