you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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