so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
