I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize