we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
