The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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