My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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