Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize