But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
