just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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