Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
