I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize