You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm passing your future prison.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
